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Stephen Altschuler

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Human nature

Thankful For…

November 23, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 6 Comments

Thankful for Sly the Fly for revealing the lack of peripheral nerve cells in the brain of Mike Pence.

Thankful for the coronavirus, not for the pain and suffering it has caused but the fact that without it, Donald Trump would have been reelected by his cult followers, leading to the possible destruction of American democracy, and the establishment of a long term oligarchy of Trump family rule.

Thankful for Donald Trump for his persistent and chronic habit of putting his hand into the figurative monkey trap, an ingenious device that places food into a tethered gourd. A monkey comes by, sticks his hand into the gourd, grabs food, and can then no longer pull his hand out, and is trapped as his fist with the food is now too large to remove himself from the trap. All the monkey has to do to go free is let go of the food. But conditioned greed and desire will not allow it to do so. And so it is with Trump, the sitting President who provoked his own defeat by his unwillingness to let go of actions which were deleterious to himself and the country, particularly his minimization of the coronavirus and its subsequent Covid-19 pandemic, leading to business shutdowns and a major economic downturn, all leading to Joe Biden’s historic victory. Thank you, Angels.

Thankful for Stacey Abrams of Georgia for bouncing back from a stolen gubernatorial election in 2018 to form an organization, Fair Fight, that opposed voter suppression to such an extent that it empowered Black and Hispanic voters to vote in record numbers in 2020 not only in Georgia but in other battleground states, that disempowered Republican efforts to suppress as many minority votes as they could for now and in the future. If I were President, I would give Ms. Abrams the highest medal of honor I had in my quiver of medals.

Thankful for front line medical staff who valiantly faced the virus, despite the dangers to themselves and their families. 

Thankful for the late George Floyd and Black Lives Matter who brought a mirror up to the face of America and forced us to see our pervasive systemic racism up close and personal.

And thankful to President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris for having the courage to run an honest, heartfelt campaign against a Trump steamroller whose aim was to flatten everything in its way. Joe and Kamala never wavered in the face of the Trump onslaught, and still stay steadfast in the face of Trump lies and crooked efforts to reverse the results of a fair and honest election in the aftermath of their victory. 

And finally, I’m thankful for my wife Ruth who has stayed by my side these past years during a fourth stage cancer diagnosis and chemo treatment, along with subsequent heart failure and a period of insomnia I wouldn’t wish on anyone, including Donald Trump. I’m not out of the woods yet, but am making significant progress.

Love and good health to you all! And a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Filed Under: democracy, Donald Trump, Human nature Tagged With: George Floyd, Joe Biden, Stacey Abrams

Breakable News Goes Big…Really, Really Big

November 19, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler Leave a Comment

What’s all the hullabaloo, you ask? Well, Breakable News–the news America turns to after Fox News has folded after Trump is gone– has acquired Facebook, forming an entirely new department called BreakaBook. Isn’t that the bee’s knees? We thought so too. Of course, Facebook, as we now know it, will still be available on newsstands by subscription only. After intense negotiations with Mark Zuckerberg, they agreed to sell only if we returned to their original mission of bringing the world together with pleasant social content only. No more fake news. No more hatred. No more nasty comments. No more wacko conspiracy theories. No more politics. No more coronavirus misinformation. Just 24/7 cats, dogs, horses, gardens, seagulls, ping pong, and pecan pies. Oh sure, puzzles too. Lots of puzzles and petifores, petunias, pets, and people–happy, loving, generous, smiling people. All the stuff Mark envisioned as he lounged around his dorm room, before he got greedy after figuring out that puzzles didn’t sell ads, before he started cranking out those algorithms that noted every product, every fantasy, damn, every thought that ever came floating by our brains and spit them back to “third parties” that turned out to be a whole lot more than “third parties”, better known as high roller global corporations. When the money started tsunamiing in, Mark still hoped to bring the world together, but placed it a bit further down his “to do” priorities list that turned into a kind of ghost list–it was there but you couldn’t see it.

Soon Facebook, lacking editors as newspapers, magazines, and normal websites have, was helping to start wars, elect charletans, encourage white supremacy, spread nutsy conspiracy theories, inspire hate crimes, spawn fake accounts from eastern Europe and Russia that were out to stir discord in America–stuff that Mark never imagined would sprout from his little dorm room entrepreneurial brainstorm. He just envisioned billions from around the world holding hands digitally and singing Kumbaya. And this actually came to fruition…only thing was quite a few other hands had rudely joined with blood on them.

So we called Mark after his last Congressional hearing and asked if he was interested in talking and dealing. Well gosh did he jump at that like a trout does a fly. Here’s how our conversation went, with Mark visibly nervous and sweating profusely:

BreakaBook: So Mark, where does that leave Facebook now?

MZ: Huh? Wha? I dunno. I’ve got 17 houses around the world with a new car out front each of them. Couple of planes. How am I going to afford all that? We’re a tech company not a news outlet. I’m in over my head, Breakable. You gotta help me out of this mess. We just figured on the First Amendment. Whatever was posted, we allowed. Me and the guys figured everyone would be nice. I’m down to the last hairs on my head.

BaB: All right. Calm down. Calm TF down. Just leave the country. We’ll take care of Congress…and Trump.

MZ: But…but…what about bringing the entire world together as one? What about our mission, our purpose…our…our… money?

BaB: But think of it. No stress. No Trump ranting and raving, threatening lawsuits. No Ted Cruz screaming in your face. No Lindsay Graham’s smarmy comments. No…

MZ: But…but…no money?

BaB: Well…no. But you can always spend your days BreakaBooking. Think of all the BreakaBook friends you’ll have. All the cat videos you can watch. All the family photos you can view and comment on. All the puzzles you can puzzle over. Think of it…Mark?… Mark? Sheesh. He just up and left….

 

And there you have it, Breakableables. Another Breakable exclusive. Just go to BreakaBook dot calm to comment. But remember, nothing negative, controversial, obnoxious, or anxiety producing. As we say here at BreakaBook, keep it light, keep it lovely, keep it to yourself.

Our sponsor today has been Algorithm Depot, the cyber superstore that knows your every dream, wish, desire, command, and what you do when even you don’t know what you’re doing. As they say at Algorithm, If we don’t have it, you don’t need it; and if you don’t need it, you probably still think you need and, in fact, want it. (sorry, i think our ad agent may have copied that down wrong.)

BuhBy…for now!

Filed Under: Donald Trump, Human nature Tagged With: Facebook, Lindsey Graham, Mark Zuckerberg, Ted Cruz

Two Peaches and a Couple of Coconuts in Georgia Runoff

November 16, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 4 Comments

Jon Ossoff and Rev. Raphael Warnock. Two fine and qualified men to represent Georgia in the U.S. Senate. And if both are elected, the Senate will be tied 50-50 between the two parties, with Vice President Harris coming in to break any tie votes. Definitely an added bonus. From what I’ve read, Stacey Abrams is going all out to register young people who are just turning 18 and in time to vote in this election. Stacey is a registration phenom and, I believe, has discovered a way to combat chronic voter suppression efforts by the Republicans. This tactic of theirs is downright unAmerican and against the basic tenets of democracy. For honoring the right to vote is essential for a healthy democracy. Voting is guaranteed to every citizen of our country. Republicans think–and Trump admited–that they would lose every election if they couldn’t make it difficult or impossible for people to vote. That is not necessarily true. They would just have to get off their butts and work harder at registering more people as Stacey Abrams has done.

And she has done this with an organization that extends far beyond the borders of Georgia. Abrams, along with LaTosha Brown of Black Voters Matter, contributed considerably to the victory of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris by as large a margin as they did. With close elections, as these runoffs are predicted to be, it comes down to numbers. Voters have already chosen [Read more…] about Two Peaches and a Couple of Coconuts in Georgia Runoff

Filed Under: democracy, Donald Trump, Events, Human nature Tagged With: Georgia Senate runoffs, Jon Ossoff, Rev. Raphael Warnock

Trump is Threatening Our Democracy

November 14, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 2 Comments

Trump is inciting his people to defy a legal vote, firing all who oppose him, ignoring the coronavirus, defaming Blacks Lives Matter, continuing to deny Joe Biden his rightful position as President-elect. I now believe, to add to my previous diagnosis of Bi-Polar disorder, that he may also be a narcissistic sociopath (this essentially combines two personality disorders), doing harm to our democracy and possibly planning a coup. He must be stopped. Joe Biden must do more than label Trump an embarrassment or demand he do something about Covid. He must take aggressive legal action to force Trump and his enablers to acknowledge his election defeat and approve the transition of power.

In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson wrote this: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness… it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”

He clarified there had to be justifiable cause to overthrow a corrupt government that was threatening our [Read more…] about Trump is Threatening Our Democracy

Filed Under: democracy, Donald Trump, Events, Human nature Tagged With: China, covid, Democrats, First Amendment, Hitler, Joe Biden, narcissistic sociopath, Thomas Jefferson

What To Do About Donald Trump?

November 12, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 6 Comments

Donald Trump is mentally ill. Mental illness was my specialty in over 35 years of masters-level social service. I’ve counseled those with bi-polar disorder, major depression, personality disorders, severe anxiety, and schizophrenia. I’ve never met Trump personally, but closely observing his actions, words, and behaviors over the past four years, and particularly now since the conclusion of the 2020 election, it is obvious to me that he is, indeed, mentally ill. I’m not completely sure of his diagnosis, but I would surmise that it is bi-polar I, the definition of which is when manic episodes last at least seven days and are accompanied by psychotic features, or the manic symptoms are severe enough to require immediate hospitalization to prevent harm to oneself or others. Depressive episodes, typically lasting at least two weeks, also often occur. A person may have manic episodes with some depressive features or depressive episodes with some manic features.

Trump has become increasingly symptomatic since his hospitalization for Covid-19.  He impulsively left hospital on his own volition, against the advice of his doctors, to get in a car and wave to supporters lining the street. Shortly after, he left the hospital, claiming he’d beat the virus, needing to return to his rallies as part of his re-election strategy. He was behind in the polls at that point and may have felt a sense of urgency. He was highly medicated. He became increasingly aggressive at his rallies and on Twitter. He then lost the election, both the electoral and popular vote. Really, it wasn’t even close. His reaction? In capital letters: “I won the election…by a lot.”

Since then, we have seen Trump devolve into decompensation and paranoid delusion. Let’s face it: He is acting like a banana republic dictator, seemingly planning a coup. He fits the profile of a bi-polar with psychotic features, which is alarming enough for an ordinary citizen, but alarmingly dangerous for the president of the United States, his country, and the world.

So how to stop this obviously out of control, mentally ill person? In my experience, there is no rational means to deal with such an individual. Common sense doesn’t work. Objective thinking doesn’t work. Pragmatic, reality-based suggestions don’t work. All my client-centered, Rogerian counseling never worked. Medications could help, but only if the patient agreed to take them faithfully. So what to do to stop this mentally disturbed man?

Here are my suggestions. Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram must immediately cancel the account of Donald Trump and those of his family surrogates. Fox News should continue to distance itself from Trump, as should Rush Limbaugh and Newsmax TV. These venues have been much too easy for Trump to spread his invectives and misinformation about the election, about the coronavirus, about the economy, about Joe Biden and his supporters. These venues have supported the cult of this mentally ill man. It is not enough to post warnings alongside the postings. These venues have canceled the accounts of other vitriolic groups and individuals. They can, and must, do it now with Trump’s accounts. This would take away important means to his questionable ends. He has constructed his entire presidency on communicating with his cult followers through Twitter alone. Taking that account away from him would limit his ability to spread his toxic comments to his faithful followers. Some of those minions are prone to violence, instigated by their leader’s combative words. Without Twitter, Trump has one less major means to spread his often irrational and psychotic invective.

So no internal pleadings will work, in my judgement and experience working with similar people during my career. External limitations must be employed since internal limits are minimal and often ineffective. This would include Republican politicians on state and federal levels coming out and endorsing the legitimate election of Joe Biden as president. The more Trump realizes that his allies are against his infantile protestations, the more inclined he will be to eventually face reality and assist President-elect Biden in the transition. To date, most of these Republicans have been reluctant to do this for varying reasons. But they too must face the reality of the situation and overcome their fears of opposing this man before he does more damage to the country during this lame duck period.

I’m sure there are more ways to stop Trump’s slide into deeper mental disorder. It used to be called an intervention when a family would confront an alcoholic member and try to inspire an end to the problem. Trump is, still, a member of our country’s family, you might say. As a mental health counselor who has worked in prisons and community mental health agencies, it is sad to see anyone suffer from mental illness. As Joe Biden says, in effect, we are all members of the American family and must care for each of its members accordingly.  As is true of many I’ve worked with, Trump is suffering but is not aware he is suffering. Consequently, our country is suffering from his present behavior. We must take action to correct this.

Thank you.

 

.

Filed Under: democracy, Donald Trump, Human nature Tagged With: bi-polar disorder, Joe Biden, mental illness

Breakable News Flash! November 5, 2020

November 5, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 2 Comments

Breakable News announces through its extensive election coverage contacts that Joe Biden is the winner of the U.S. Presidency with Donald Trump a whinning second. This, of course, is not true, at the moment, but because of declining newsstand sales, we needed to attract more attention. And…now that we have your attention, have you considered subscribing to our excellent news media service? We promise nothing, only that, in the words of defamed Woody Allen, we will show up. Our subscription rate is 3.5K/year, but because of the Covid “slight cold” situation we’ve lowered it to 3K/year, payable in gold coin. Now, onto the news of the day.

This just in from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. On this unusually hot day, Ms. Alice T. Murphy’s cat is high up on her metal roof again, and is insisting it will not come down until the election is decided. The cat, named Nine Lives, shows signs of depression, according to a Sheboygan rescue unit, and therapist, Dr. Cilia Syben, has been called to the scene. Our correspondent, Johnnie O.T. Spot, was able to record some of the interaction.

Dr. S: Now Nine, we’ve been through this before. Come on down now. I’ve got a nice treat for you.

NL: No, I don’t want your condescending treats, Dr. Silly. I’m safe up here. Can’t see any TV coverage of the election, and what I can’t see, means it hasn’t happened.

Dr. S: Now you know that isn’t true. That would imply that you control the world, doesn’t it, my little monkey face.

NL: Wrong species, Doc. Anyway, you’re wrong. Cats do control the world. Just look at us. Do we run around like you people looking for an open market at 11 pm so we can buy a chocolate chip cookie?

Dr. S: Now, now, kitty. Enough of that. Why, do you know of a store that’s open and sells such cookies?

NL: Bingo. I rest my case. Now, can you call off Trump’s Army and let me take a little snooze. I’m a cat, you know, and proud of it.

 

At that point Spot’s tape ran out, so we don’t know how things worked out for this cat on a hot tin roof, but as is our commitment to fake news, we’ll let you know within three days, if we get around to it.

This also just in, Trump has resorted to sueing individual Democrats for voting against him, claiming that he ran a “perfect” campaign of degradation, innuendo, falsivity (his word), and the best misinformation available. He sees no reason for a vote against him and is actually bypassing lower courts to go directly to the Supreme Court “where my judges sit” (his words). This is a continuing story and we’ll continue following it providing our ace reporter is not otherwise incapacitated.

***

And finally, our pandemic top of the tip–or tip of the top–of the day: To hear absolutely no news, except today’s weather in Portland Oregon, tune into All Classical Portland for the best in classical music. It’s a favorite of Nine Lives and other cats of his ilk. It streams worldwide from their app, and–our tip within a top tip–Alexa knows how to find the station. And, for once, this is really true!

That’s it for today. Breakable-lings. Sleep tight and don’t let democracy go the fate of the Holy Roman Empire.

Filed Under: democracy, Donald Trump, Human nature Tagged With: Joe Biden, Woody Allen

A Breakable News Exclusive! An Interview with D.J. Trump

October 27, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 2 Comments

Breakable News, news that we think you might need but you know, down deep, that you don’t need at all, had the remarkable good luck of bumping into-literally-Donald J. Trump just after he walked out of the 60 Minutes interview. He was taking what we smelled as a THC break from the stress of being asked questions “that weren’t fair” he said, in the tone and demeanor of our next door neighbor’s eleven year old. Here’s how our impromptu session went.

Breakable News (BN): Mr. President, got a few minutes?

Trump: What? Breakable? I don’t know if you people like me or not. I think you do, but I get confused by the way you put things sometimes. Kinda quirky. But people tell me you love America and you love me, so, sure, what’s on your mind?

BN: Yeah, Your Grace, we were just…

Trump: Like that, see. Your Grace. I like that. Shows respect. But no need to bow or anything like that. People might think I like England, God forbid. I didn’t bow to the queen when I met her, you know. And I told Melania, Don’t bow, you hear me. Don’t F’ing bow. Any more questions, Breakable?

BN: Right. About the pandemic…

Trump: First of all, we don’t use that word on the White House grounds. I’ve banned it, and have even ordered it removed from all dictionaries. And with my last EO concerning all fed employees, I can now fire anyone who uses the p word. Same with the c words around this little cold going around. I had it too, but thanks to a couple pills, some intravenous, oxygen, and some steroid sh-t, bam, it was gone like a squirrel up a tree.  What else you got? I’m a busy man.

BN: Yeah, right. What are your plans around curing this little cold once you’re reelected?

Trump: That’s a nasty question, and you know it. You don’t ask questions like that of the President, you hear me. Who do you think you are, and who do you think I am? Your house ni….I mean, your butler? If I wasn’t standing here answering your stupid questions, I’d get up and leave like I did on that lady in there. Now what else? I can smell my filet and fries cooking. It’s close to feeding time, and I never miss feeding time.

BN: I think that’ll wrap it up, Mr. President. Deep thanks for taking the time for such an in depth interview. We’ll give you top billing on Breakable News tonight. First story.

Trump: And only story, I assume. Gotta run. And I want the tape of this talk destroyed, you understand. People might get the wrong idea.

BN: True, that.

 

Wasn’t that great! Such clarity. Such insight. Such transparency.  Another crystal clear example of who to vote for in this next election and why.

***

Today’s featured recipe: Proud Boys Delicious Apple AK-47 Pie–the dish that satisfies and intimidates at the same time.

Ingredients: apples, the more tasteless the better

an AK-47 rifle, locked and loaded (for taste only)

Sugar, 10 pounds

Instructions: In big, and I mean big, pot, place the rifle.

Surround it with sliced apples and sugar

Cook for awhile. Remove rifle before serving.

Proud Boys–the adorable picture of the Boys wearing aprons and guns in their test kitchen we were unable to supply–who sent in this recipe, informed us they are well aware there is no crust involved in this traditional dish, a fact they are proud of, citing their First and Second Amendment rights, and dare anyone to criticize them.

 

Filed Under: Donald Trump, Human nature Tagged With: AK-47, Apple Pie, pandemic, Proud, Proud Boys

Breakable News: the President’s temperature

October 9, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler Leave a Comment

Breakable News/Friday, October 9 

In an exclusive report, Breakable News—all the fake news you have no need to know— has actually learned that president Trump has, in fact, a temperature. We don’t yet know what that temperature is but his doctor—a bored certified osteopath who specializes in lifestyle changes— has assured us that his temperature has been tested and verified as an actual reading on a certified thermometer. We asked his doctor what that thermometer measured and was the temperature taken orally or anally? Here’s our interview, direct from the horse’s—er, doctor’s—mouth.

Dr. Dunno: I’m not at liberty to reveal that information due to   HIPPA regulations, Page 45, Sec. 2A, 3rd edition, but let me assure you that a temperature did register on the device used. 

BM, I mean, sorry, BN: was that an oral or an anal reading? 

Dr. D: That’s a nasty question, and we resent being asked that. What do you think, the president is a child? I’ll just say we did give him the option of which method, and he did choose rear entry. 

BN: So it was anal?

Dr.D: We no longer use that disgusting term, but I’ll just say, off the record, yes. And for your information, it’s now called rectal.

And that concludes our characteristically comprehensive report on the president’s complete physical and mental condition for today. Our investigative reporter, Bob Cordwood from our affiliate Breakaway News, is continuing to pursue this story through his various sources particularly one he calls Deep ***Hole (censored to protect any children, pets, or carnivorous plants who may accidentally read and eaten this report). He assures us he will stop at nothing until he finds out Trump’s actual temperature (we’re hoping too to get his latest Covid test result before his next Rose Garden ceremony, but that’s a longshot at this point). The American people have a right to know. 

Our Pandemic Survival Tip O’ the Day:

For those of you who don’t normally follow our award-losing reports, or any news, for that matter, when you see someone wearing a mask either on the street or in a store, please do not call 911. They are not about to rob the store or you (unless they actually are about to rob the store or you, then go ahead and stop into your local police station and let them know, assuming you don’t have a cell phone which we know are difficult to figure out.) Otherwise, follow your president’s latest directives on the virus.

Caution: if you do take disinfectant, as he has suggested, be sure to follow all dosage directions on the bottle.

Tomorrow, God willing and the sun decides to rise, our feature for the day will be How to be Happy and Broke at the same time. 

Buh bye, for now, dearest readers. Remember, any donations to Breakable News will be appreciated, have no effect on our continued operations, and will be duly embezzled.

Filed Under: Donald Trump, Events, Human nature Tagged With: Breakable News, pandemic

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