Stephen Altschuler

thoughts on environment, politics, health, life issues

Events

The White House White Elephant Rose Garden Christmas Sale

by 2 Comments

Breakable News, the news you wished you’d unsubscribed to before this report hit your screens, has stumbled upon a story that not only has legs but liver. Our White House Rose Garden correspondent Rosie Flowers (yes, we do have a reporter specifically assigned to the Rose Garden!) emerged from a pod of lilies in a backwater pool during what one guest called a Rose Garden White Elephant Christmas Sale, hosted by none other than Donald and Melania themselves, assisted by all their children, and designated maskless and socially close, of course. Here’s the transcript of Flower’s report.

RF: Excuse me, Mr. President, what’s going on?

DJT: Now Rosie, I’m tired of your meddling. This was supposed to be a top secret, National Security event, you know. But if you must know, we’re having a sale of our possessions tremendously acquired over the past four years, completely, I might add, with taxpayers’ money, to make some extra dough for our Election Reversal Fund and to cut down on boxes we’ll need to pick up from the UHaul It store.

RF: But I thought that Fund was well funded by your loyal base supporters, Mr. President. Money was rolling in. Last I heard, some 20 million.

DJT: It was rolling in, nicely, I might add—more than any other Election Reversal Fund in the history of this country—until that stupid AJ Barr of mine opened his big pie hole to say Biden won, which he hasn’t, you know. And then that traitor McConnell follows suit. And even my Supreme Court. Well, and you can print this, I won, by a lot. Congress is currently working on that. Would you be interested, by the way, in this imitation gold plated demitasse tea service?

RF: How much?

DJT: Let me check with Melania. Melania, dear. Melania. How much for the tea set? What? Really?  OK. (back to RF)  Ten million.

RF: Would you take three?

DJT: Million?

RF: No, three dollars.

DJT: Look, this isn’t any crap stuff out here.  There‘s never been anything like it at this dump. And by the way, not a word of this sale in your fake news rag. Clear?

RF: Sure, sure. How much have you taken people for so far?

DJT: Oh big time. They’re swarming through here like murder hornets in a beehive. McConnell bought the mask I ripped off at the press conference the other day for two mil. And Pompeo and his wife bought seven gold plated toilets for five.

RF: Dollars?

DJT: Million, smart aleck. I signed each one with my sharpie, then shrewdly sold the sharpie to one of my Scotus appointees—I won’t say who—for a mil. We are raking it in. And I haven’t even started with the GoFundMe fund yet.  Ask Melania. She organized this whole thing. Brilliant. You know, the Rose Garden was her pet project. Great girl. I revised the pre-nup and increased her allowance to 20 mil a week.

RF: But what about the Covid pandemic, sir? It’s raging out of control.  What are you doing about that?

DJT: That’s a fraud. Total fraud. Fauci and the Democrats made the whole thing up. I just wrote an Executive Order banning the mention of it among all Federal agencies and U.S citizens. Wanna buy the sharpie I used?

RF: How much?

DJT:  Never mind. If you have to ask, you can’t afford it, I always say. But business is a little slow. Lunch time, you know. I’ll give it to you for three bucks, but don’t tell Melania. How’d you get in here, anyway?

RF: What? You never noticed? I live here. In a tent behind the alligator pond.

DJT: Oh. Roger that. Hey, I’m busy, Flowers. I’ve got to get to my resort for a tee time with Mnuchin. He’s buying my supercharged golf cart.

RF: How much?

DJT: Don’t ask. But he checked with Bannon and was able to transfer some wall construction money into my personal account. Half a billion, I think. Wait, I’ll check with Ivanka. She handles stuff like this.

RF: That’s OK. I think we’re done here.

DJT: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. That’s my line!

 

And there you have it, faithful Breakable readers. You heard it right from the ass’s mouth. And remember, repeat this to no one or the Wizard of Oz will cast vicious tweets upon you and yours.

 

 

 

Here’s the Deal–My Take

by 2 Comments

I finally figured out what the hell is happening vis a vis Trump, his minions, and this crazed country. First, Trump’s main motive is to keep the money rolling in, which he is doing by continuing to refuse to accept Biden as winner of the election. Even after the Supreme Court decision against him, he’ll continue to yell it as fraud and rigged and that he ‘won by a lot.” Not only won’t that change but will continue even after Biden’s inauguration. For Trump will attempt to establish a shadow presidency, complete with his own new agencies that remain loyal to him like Newsmax. You see, Trump will never admit he is a loser. He was raised in a cultish home with a sociopathic, authoritarian father who’s toxic voice hammered home the constant message to never admit to being a loser. And his supporters will continue to protest, dutifully send him their hard earned money, and increasingly threaten his detractors. That means more intimidation including death threats via email, mail, phone, social media. and directly in front of private homes at night with bullhorns on their lips and guns on their hips.

Secondly, Republicans who have been supporting Trump in Congress and in Red states will continue to [Read more…] about Here’s the Deal–My Take

Trump is Deranged

by 6 Comments

Trump is deranged. I first thought he exhibits many of the characteristics of Neanderthals, human beings who existed in Europe before homo sapiens arrived. The two groups interbred but eventually Neanderthals went extinct giving way to the superior brained homo sapiens, our present species. We homo sapiens today have more or less Neanderthal DNA in our genetic code. 

But Neanderthals were not deranged. They may have lacked the intelligence to survive the wild animals and harsh climate of Europe, but they knew and accepted their reality and actually adapted well for centuries. They were just unable for whatever reasons to handle the inclusion of homo sapiens to their population. Trump and many of his enablers and followers are also unable to accept and adapt to the realities of the times. They approach life in simplistic, survivalist terms. They look out mainly for themselves mostly ignoring the needs of others outside of their immediate families. Life is primarily survival of the fittest, of winners and losers, of supporters and detractors. It’s the most basic form of thought, lacking empathy, lacking consciousness, lacking nuance, lacking concern for others, lacking the ability to feel compassion. It’s literally their way or the highway. 

A survival of the fittest mentality evolves as a mechanism of survival only. All wild animals have that survival instinct. In fact that is their prime reason for living, although the word reason may be misleading, for reasoned cognition is more common in homo sapiens. Most homo sapiens have evolved beyond this survival instinct.

Trump’s present campaign of intimidating and cajoling battleground state election officials and state representatives to reverse the outcome of a free and fair election is an example of a desperate and degenerative tactic for survival. He is fighting for survival for he knows that if he loses the election and must leave office, he is extremely vulnerable to current civil and possibly criminal legal actions against him. His long-time lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen, now imprisoned because of that loyalty to Trump, warned us of this pattern of Trump when referring to him as a con man who will take any action to save himself at the expense of others surrounding him. His present actions are tearing the Republican Party down. His actions are tearing his own family apart. His actions are even besmirching his brand which he is so enamored of. His actions are entirely self serving and self absorbed. His actions reveal a [Read more…] about Trump is Deranged

Donald Trump, here! Make your contributions directly to the Pres

by Leave a Comment

A Breakable correspondent, I.O. You, stumbled upon, guess who?, the Donald himself at the Ohio State Fair, at a booth entitled CONTRIBUTIONS WELCOME HERE.

“Hey Ja, make your contributions here, donations here, MAGA supporters, Proud Boys, QAnon, Anybody”, Trump was hollering at the top of his lungs.

IOY: President Donald, what up?

DJT: Our debt reduction fund is running low, You, so we figured a direct appeal was in order. Rallies just weren’t drawing like they used to. But this election is not over, not by a long shot. Excuse me.

Step right up, step right up, ladies and germs. THE President here to receieve your donations. We’ll take whatever you got: cash, check, bitcoins, or your first born. Whaddya got, ma’am?

Woman at booth: Oh, Mr President, this is such an honor. My husband’s got the Covid, my kid’s in jail for cocaine possession, and my daughter’s now making adult films, but here’s my life savings. Wish it could be more, but it’s all we got.

DJT: Excellent, excellent, loyal subject. BTW, what’s your daughter’s number? Just joking. You know, locker room stuff. Have a good day. Oh, what’s your bank account and password, by the way?

Now, You,any other questions. I’m a busy man, as you can see.

You: We’re nearly 280 thousand dead with Covid, Sir. What’s your current strategy in your final days in office?

DJT: Now wait just a goddamn moment, sheishead. What do you mean, final days in office. Don’t you listen to Guiliani, America’s Mayor? We’re turning this rigged election around. He tells me we found another ace witness who is a brother in law of an election official in Wisconsin who told a friend who then told Rudy’s cousin that several ballots were added to the final pile. We’re going to my Supreme Court with that obviously reliable evidence and should get a year 2000-type decision shortly. So don’t give me that final days in office bunk. I’m a winner by a lot.

You: Yes, sir. Sorry sir. I just heard…

DJT: You heard? You heard? You just heard the truth from me, period. Get it?

You: Got it.

DJT: Good.

And that, dear readers, is right from the horse’s mouth. A pooper scooper if we ever had one. The President of the United States at the Ohio State Fair pitching for contributions to his ongoing, and perhaps perpetual and chronic fund raising efforts to fuel his ever-demanding lavish lifestyle. Is there no end to his supporters never-ending love of this man? A story to be continued, we’re sure.

Another flash from Breakable’s wireless, and mostly useless, news service: Amazon is now officially and virtually the only viable remaining retail outlet available for purchases within the continental US of A. You can buy anything from a peppercorn–that’s one peppercorn–to a side of beef at the tap of a finger. And, as Jeff Bezos always says, if we don’t have it, you don’t need it. As we say here in the Breakable newsroom, Hail to Amazon! Long Live Amazon!

And finally, a Zoom tip o the day: No matter how messy or chaotic your place is during these pandemic doldrums, you can create an illusion of order and domestic bliss with a lovely backdrop from IKEA. Special this week: Buy a 9×12 scene of the Swiss Alps and get a street scene of the Champs d’elysee for free!

Carry on, dear readers. We know you’re burnt out and fatigued, but hang in there: Help and hope are on the way!

The Planned Donald J. Trump Presidential Lie-brary

by 4 Comments

Planned exhibits for Trump’s Planned Presidential Lie-brary include:

  • The Fraud Room–includes photos, tapes, microfilm, old voting machines, emails, death certificates of voters, and videos of all frauds perpetrated during the Trump years, mostly proven by Trump’s own panel of raters. Featured Fraud is, of course, the 2020 election which he actually won “by a lot,” so said Trump himself.
  • The Lies Room–actually this comprises three huge rooms of some three million Trump lies, some never before revealed to the general public. Featured lie is coronavirus is like a little flu, will pass “like a miracle,” and can be treated by swallowing bleach. These are organic rooms in that archived lies are added as they come in which is daily, even minute by minute. So check these pages often. We scream worldwide at TrumpLieBrary.con.
  • The Golf Room–for the first time the Lie-brary reveals that Trump’s actual number of rounds were 3 times more than reported. Twelve actual scorecards are included in the featured display, seven of which show redacted numbers in Trump’s own blackout style. A secondary feature shows Trump’s actual handicap, also redacted.
  • The Executive Order Room–this room features 317 EOs with nothing written on them except Trump’s signature. These were apparently written for photo ops with Republican bobbleheads behind him nodding approval to show his base all the campaign promises he’s kept. The Lie-brary considered including these in the Con Room, but one of Trump’s sons objected.
  • The Con Room–this includes great and effective cons from Trump’s life before and during his reign–er, term of office. Top of the list is Trump’s Birther campaign against former President Obama, which after years of trumped up evidence trying to show Obama was not native born, he finally dropped the effort when he himself saw he was even conning himself while all the time convincing himself he was right all along. A Conning the Con Himself Room is tentatively planned by the Lie-brary. Other displays include The Pro-Life, Anti-Abortion Con, The Law and Order Con, and The I’m a Very Rich Man Con.
  • The Revisionist History Room–this is unlike any other presidential library room in history. Here, a wax figure of Trump is elegantly displayed next to a portrait of Lincoln, under the heading The Two Greatest Presidents in American History, with an appropriately revisionist note, “President Trump is actually THE greatest President as he did more for Blacks than even Lincoln.” There are also revisionist displays concerning Putin, Un, Netanyahu, and our troops. A Mount Rushmore Room is in the planning stages for when the National Park site can be modified.
  • Trump’s Health Room–fully 17 actual letters, dictated to Trump’s doctors by Trump himself and actually signed by said MDs. These have never before been revealed to the press or the public, and give the REAL picture of Trump’s health from his own mouth, mood, and mind. It’s also the inner Trump, for the letters include his mental health from his very own perspective. This room should be very popular, “probably more popular than any other room at any other Presidential Lie-brary,” Trump told Newsmax.
  • Fake News Room–there’s nothing in this room except blank walls at present. A proposal is afoot to rename it the He Who Smelt it Dealt It Room.
  • Rally Room–a huge, empty ballroom, with moveable walls, designed to crush, or put the fear of Trump, on friends and foe alike.
  • The Trump Family History Room–here are some of the littlest known con men and women in history. Actual DNA of some of these characters is displayed in attractive bell jars, as well as mug shots and prison numbers of many. Bring a lunch when visiting this room: You’ll be there awhile.
  • There are several basement rooms in the planning stages that will feature dimmed or no lighting, echoing acoustics, a hall of mirrors to distort any sense of reality a visitor may have had upon entering the Lie-brary, and a room completely wallpapered with Trump tweets “throughout the year,” also designed to disorient visitors (or mesmerize his cult followers) upon entry.
  • The Lawsuit Room–this will take you step by agonizing step through each of the 10,000 lawsuits Trump has filed against others over the years. Although few have gone his way, Trump shows, in his own words, those were fraudulent and politically motivated and designed to demean his greatness. Evidence is not provided as the room ran out of space.
  • Gift Shop–these rooms take up fifteen of the sixteen floors of the entire Lie-brary, filled with Trump memorabilia, tchotchke, bobbleheads of him and all of his surviving enablers, and assorted tourist bling-bling, all with Trump’s official stamped signature.

Scheduled opening of the Trump Lie-brary: TBA, pending the outcome of the election.

Hours: TBA. Appointments necessary.

No masks or social distancing allowed.

Groups of any size permitted.

Phone number by special arrangement. Delays up to five hours.

The RNC and Donald Trump approve this message, which is the underlying lie that underlies this lie-filled post.

 

New Hot Flashes from Breakable News (that could be taken the wrong way, I suppose…)

by Leave a Comment

Latest News Flashes from Breakable News, the media group Trump considered retreating to after Fox betrayed him, but didn’t when he scratched the surface of Breakable’s true intent.

  • In a new EO, Trump erased the provision in the Constitution that authorizes a Federal Court System. “I appoint ’em, I figure I can fire ’em,” he told his wife, one of the last people on the planet who still support the president.
  • A new monolith was discovered in the middle of the Sahara Desert that strangely resembled Donald Trump. It was a man in a golf cart all made of stainless steel, except for an actual smart phone in the man’s hand set on Twitter. Alien visitors are suspected of planting the monument.
  • Attorney General William Barr, after announcing that his department was unable to find any fraud anywhere in the 2020 election, was spotted in a D.C. unemployment line waiting to apply for compensation that his former buddy Donald was loathe to sign off on. When asked for a comment, Barr muttered, “I don’t know how I’ll make it. All I got is 20 million in savings.”
  • And still a second monolith was found right in Senate chambers. The emotionless steel structure was that  of Sen. “Moscow” Mitch McConnell who, it turned out, was curiously playing himself, standing perfectly still with only his lips moving. The monolith is and will remain a mystery.
  • But these mysteries may well now be solved. Disavowed Trump advocate and lawyer Sidney Powell, fast fading from the daily news cycle, has been unmasked as an alien visitor from another planet outside our solar system. Her abandoned space ship was discovered in a landfill near Addis Ababa, and after DNA analysis by the Justice Department, it was determined that Powell is indeed the perpetrator of the various monoliths popping up around the globe. Her confiscated diary also points to alien Powell as the originator of QAnon. She was last seen dematerializing, without, we might add, proper humanoid makeup.
  • Even curiouser-er is the case of Sen. David Perdue of Georgia who is running for reelection in a runoff against Jon Ossoff in early January. Perdue bought the entire state of Georgia recently after what he called “a routine” stock trade. As the owner of the state, he has ordered Ossoff to cease and desist from any further campaigning.
  • To demonstrate his ability to run the country, Joe Biden got his pet German Shepard in a playful headlock, and in the ensuing ruckus, broke his foot. Consequently, Joe named the dog the next Secretary of Defense.
  • Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez–better known as O Say Can’t U C–took advantage of insider trading and bought up every Green New Deal on the market. As a result, she expects lots of leverage when the next Congress opens for business. She also looks maaavalous.
  • And finally, a new megastore is in the offing: Vaccine Depot. This is THE boutique one shop stop for all your vaccine needs, as President Trump put it. “It was my idea right from the start, even before the China virus attacked us with nuclear neglect. And no one thanked me for it, even though I alone, President Warped Speed, as a lot of people call me–including my wife–thought of it all by my swelf.”
  • Trump still claims he won the election and “is looking forward to the next four years” of his sanctified reign, all of which Breakable heard via a planted microphone in the Psych Ward at Walter Reed.

Well, I think that’s all the Hot Flashes we have for you today, and certainly all that you need to hear, dear readers (assuming there are any of you left).

And here’s your Surviving the Pandemic tip o the day: With all the shutdowns, quarantines, and shelterings in place, we know it can get lonely out there. We recommend volunteering where CDC guidelines allow. There are, for example, cats and dogs in shelters who need your love and attention. L’Chiam.

Do you realize that…

by 2 Comments

  • A recent poll shows 77% of those who voted for Trump, believe the election was stolen via fraudulent means. Something similar happened in Germany after WWI. Conservatives were spreading lies that Germany did not lose the war which many believed. Hitler seized upon these lies, enflaming Nationalist fervor, threatening scapegoats like Social Democrats and Jews, and eventually taking power in 1933. Trump’s lies are currently undermining democracy in similar ways.
  • If Trump goes to Georgia to campaign for Republicans in the Senate runoff elections, and he continues to rant about fraudulent and rigged elections in that state, Republicans will be less likely to come out to vote or mail in a ballot thus swinging the election to two underdog Democrats and thereby flipping the Senate Blue. Once again, Trump’s rhetoric and actions may backfire.
  • Many of the people who voted against Trump either then voted for Republicans down ballot or didn’t vote for anyone except Joe Biden. These were probably Republicans who truly opposed Donald Trump and split their votes to stay loyal to Republicans down ballot. Given his clinical narcissism, I don’t think Trump wants to acknowledge that.
  • It is unlikely Donald Trump will run again in 2024, although he has given indication that he might just do that. This self described “winner” will not wish to risk losing again. Also, he will be 78 years old, and will not have the advantage of running against someone as hated as he was. The RNC and most Republicans beyond his cult followers will want nothing to do with Trump, given his impulsive, Twitter approach to governance. And too, he may be in jail by then, or deceased. They finally jailed Al Capone on tax evasion. Trump may suffer the same fate.
  • Contrary to Trump’s false allegations, Joe Biden won this election by a larger margin than most presidential candidates in history.
  • Donald Trump is currently trying to sabotage Joe Biden’s transition to power and make it difficult for him to set the country on a course to recovery and health. Consequently thousands more could die or be thrown into despair and poverty. That sounds like treason in my book.
  • It is likely that Trump knew about and allowed this assassination in Iran to happen to put Biden in a tough position to negotiate with the Iranians after he takes office. In this light, this assassination is criminal, reckless, irresponsible, immoral, and typical of Trump’s style of revenge at the expense of others.
  • As a result of the recount in Wisconsin, President-elect Biden’s lead over President Trump grew by 87 votes. Under state law, Trump was required to foot the bill for the partial recount — meaning his campaign paid $3 million only to see Biden’s lead expand.
  • Trump is a compulsive lier as the courts have recently verified. Here’s a piece from HuffPost, reporting from Fox News (right, that Fox News!) a report that exposes Trump’s desperate moves to delegitimize Biden’s election victory. “FOX HOST PULLS APART PRESIDENT’S LIES Fox News host Eric Shawn on Sunday debunked election disinformation that President Donald Trump disgorged hours earlier on the same network in his first live interview since the election. Shawn pointed out that Trump’s campaign has failed to prove any of his accusations in court, and invited Axios political reporter Hans Nichols to help dismantle many of Trump’s bogus claims, including that ballots counted after the initial tallies on election night were somehow fraudulent.”
  • Trump’s campaign is in debt, and to pay that debt down, he has deceived his supporters into thinking their current donations are being used to reverse the election results. They are not. Donations to the RNC are being used to pay down RNC and possibly Trump’s personal debt. During a time of pandemic hardship when every dollar of one’s family is critical to that family’s budget, Trump, the loser of the election, is scamming his supporters for more money to pay his debts.
  • As we approach 280,000 Covid-19 deaths, Trump was out playing a full round of golf on Thanksgiving Day. Fore right!

[Read more…] about Do you realize that…

The Breakable News (sort of)Exclusive Interview with DJT

by 2 Comments

Breakable lucked into an interview recently with guess who? The President-unelect Donald J. Trump. Our sports correspondent Mike C.R.O. Weatherbee happened to be out looking for lost golf balls in the woods off Trump’s golf course in Virginia when His Concede-less happened along in his gasoline powered golf cart.

Mike W: Mr President, a word please.

DJT: Sure,  I know you. You’re with that Breakable News that I think is on my side, but sometimes I wonder. Hop in the cart here.

MW: I’ve been wanting to ask you.  Many think you lost the election, but you say you’ve won. What’s up with that?

DJT: Pretty straight forward, Mike. As I’ve said all along from right after my inauguration four years ago, except for when I win, elections in this country are rigged, what with all the mail order ballots, and allowing people to vote without showing their birth certificates. I mean how do we know they’re Americans. Biggest fraud in the history of this great country. Whatever happened to elections that ended on Election Day. No more counting, period. Any mail order votes come in, they’re illegal. So I won, Big Time. Landslide. Get it. I’m still the President and that’s that. Besides, I’ve got Rudy in court as we speak. I instructed him to Ditch the Dye and go natural, like me.

MW: Isn’t that mail-in ballots, sir, and I believe you mailed one in yourself?

DJT: That’s nasty, Mike. Mail-in, mail order. What’s the difference? You’re either with me or you’re with me on this. Anymore questions? I’m a busy man. I’ve got nine more holes to play before dinner, and I never miss dinner. Hey, you know what we’re having tonight? The turkey I pardoned today. Ha! Ha! That’s off the record, mind you. If you publish that Mike, you’re fired!

MW: But I don’t work for you, Mr. President.

DJT: You do now. I’m making you Secretary of State. Put out your right hand and repeat after me.

MW: I’m not sure I…

DJT: Don’t “not sure” me, it’s official. I’ll get Mitch to fast-track it and I’ll tweet your appointment tonight. You like to travel? Lots of perks with this job. Your first mission is Russia. Give Putin anything he wants. Clear?

MW: But…but.

DJT: Gotta go, Breakable Mike. Get the hell off the cart. What the hell were you doing in those woods anyway? See you later for dinner and wear a frigging tie for God’s sake. Mitch’ll be there, and Miss Coney Island too, for the swearing in ceremony.

And there you have it faithful faithless readers. You heard it first here on these pages:  the up to the minute account of the goings on of our lamest of our lame duck presidents from our sports correspondent Mike CRO Weatherbee who is now apparently…the Secretary of State.!

Next week we’re hoping for an interview with Lying Mike Flynn, who was just given a full pardon by the president and appointed Chairman of the Senate Ethics Committee (which is hard to do because Flynn is not even a Senator, but Trump wrote an EO authorizing McConnell to change the rules which, we understand, Mitch gladly and dutifully did.)

And with that, we, at Breakable News, the news you always wanted to unsubscribe from but somehow forgot, wish you the happiest of happy Thanksgivings. And remember to not actually try to pass the gravy to your Uncle on the other side of the country on Zoom. That could get messy.

Later, Kids.