A Breakable correspondent, I.O. You, stumbled upon, guess who?, the Donald himself at the Ohio State Fair, at a booth entitled CONTRIBUTIONS WELCOME HERE.
“Hey Ja, make your contributions here, donations here, MAGA supporters, Proud Boys, QAnon, Anybody”, Trump was hollering at the top of his lungs.
IOY: President Donald, what up?
DJT: Our debt reduction fund is running low, You, so we figured a direct appeal was in order. Rallies just weren’t drawing like they used to. But this election is not over, not by a long shot. Excuse me.
Step right up, step right up, ladies and germs. THE President here to receieve your donations. We’ll take whatever you got: cash, check, bitcoins, or your first born. Whaddya got, ma’am?
Woman at booth: Oh, Mr President, this is such an honor. My husband’s got the Covid, my kid’s in jail for cocaine possession, and my daughter’s now making adult films, but here’s my life savings. Wish it could be more, but it’s all we got.
DJT: Excellent, excellent, loyal subject. BTW, what’s your daughter’s number? Just joking. You know, locker room stuff. Have a good day. Oh, what’s your bank account and password, by the way?
Now, You,any other questions. I’m a busy man, as you can see.
You: We’re nearly 280 thousand dead with Covid, Sir. What’s your current strategy in your final days in office?
DJT: Now wait just a goddamn moment, sheishead. What do you mean, final days in office. Don’t you listen to Guiliani, America’s Mayor? We’re turning this rigged election around. He tells me we found another ace witness who is a brother in law of an election official in Wisconsin who told a friend who then told Rudy’s cousin that several ballots were added to the final pile. We’re going to my Supreme Court with that obviously reliable evidence and should get a year 2000-type decision shortly. So don’t give me that final days in office bunk. I’m a winner by a lot.
You: Yes, sir. Sorry sir. I just heard…
DJT: You heard? You heard? You just heard the truth from me, period. Get it?
You: Got it.
And that, dear readers, is right from the horse’s mouth. A pooper scooper if we ever had one. The President of the United States at the Ohio State Fair pitching for contributions to his ongoing, and perhaps perpetual and chronic fund raising efforts to fuel his ever-demanding lavish lifestyle. Is there no end to his supporters never-ending love of this man? A story to be continued, we’re sure.
Another flash from Breakable’s wireless, and mostly useless, news service: Amazon is now officially and virtually the only viable remaining retail outlet available for purchases within the continental US of A. You can buy anything from a peppercorn–that’s one peppercorn–to a side of beef at the tap of a finger. And, as Jeff Bezos always says, if we don’t have it, you don’t need it. As we say here in the Breakable newsroom, Hail to Amazon! Long Live Amazon!
And finally, a Zoom tip o the day: No matter how messy or chaotic your place is during these pandemic doldrums, you can create an illusion of order and domestic bliss with a lovely backdrop from IKEA. Special this week: Buy a 9×12 scene of the Swiss Alps and get a street scene of the Champs d’elysee for free!
Carry on, dear readers. We know you’re burnt out and fatigued, but hang in there: Help and hope are on the way!