William Barr

The Last Gasp of Trump and his Republican Enablers

January 8, 2021 by Stephen Altschuler Leave a Comment

I think of how it must have been for the dinosaurs dying and breathing their last gasps on the land masses of our planet 60 million years ago. I think of this as I read the news of a Capitol police officer murdered while defending our representative congresspeople from a pro-Trump and Trump incited mob who invaded our Capitol building, a building steeped in the history of our democracy. That murder should be as catastrophic as the asteroid which struck Earth leading the death of all those predatory dinosaurs.

The murder came as the result of the rioters breeching the halls of our Congress, which came as the result of incendiary Trump rhetoric over the past five years and most recently at a rally just before the attack and breech, which came as the result of Republican congresspeople naysayers questioning the legitimacy of an election proven fully legitimate by the courts and election officials from every state in the union, which came as the result of right wing sources such as Fox News, Newsmax, AON, which came as a result of false and scurrilous conspiracy theories such as QAnon, which came as a result of extreme right wing white supremacist groups such as Proud Boys and Patriot Prayer which rose to prominence as a result of Trump giving tacit, and often open, approval of these grotesque and dangerous people. Trump’s base of voters who acted with cult mentality believing, lockstep, in all of Trump’s lies and misinformation and [Read more…] about The Last Gasp of Trump and his Republican Enablers

New Hot Flashes from Breakable News (that could be taken the wrong way, I suppose…)

December 2, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler Leave a Comment

Latest News Flashes from Breakable News, the media group Trump considered retreating to after Fox betrayed him, but didn’t when he scratched the surface of Breakable’s true intent.

In a new EO, Trump erased the provision in the Constitution that authorizes a Federal Court System. “I appoint ’em, I figure I can fire ’em,” he told his wife, one of the last people on the planet who still support the president.
A new monolith was discovered in the middle of the Sahara Desert that strangely resembled Donald Trump. It was a man in a golf cart all made of stainless steel, except for an actual smart phone in the man’s hand set on Twitter. Alien visitors are suspected of planting the monument.
Attorney General William Barr, after announcing that his department was unable to find any fraud anywhere in the 2020 election, was spotted in a D.C. unemployment line waiting to apply for compensation that his former buddy Donald was loathe to sign off on. When asked for a comment, Barr muttered, “I don’t know how I’ll make it. All I got is 20 million in savings.”
And still a second monolith was found right in Senate chambers. The emotionless steel structure was that of Sen. “Moscow” Mitch McConnell who, it turned out, was curiously playing himself, standing perfectly still with only his lips moving. The monolith is and will remain a mystery.
But these mysteries may well now be solved. Disavowed Trump advocate and lawyer Sidney Powell, fast fading from the daily news cycle, has been unmasked as an alien visitor from another planet outside our solar system. Her abandoned space ship was discovered in a landfill near Addis Ababa, and after DNA analysis by the Justice Department, it was determined that Powell is indeed the perpetrator of the various monoliths popping up around the globe. Her confiscated diary also points to alien Powell as the originator of QAnon. She was last seen dematerializing, without, we might add, proper humanoid makeup.
Even curiouser-er is the case of Sen. David Perdue of Georgia who is running for reelection in a runoff against Jon Ossoff in early January. Perdue bought the entire state of Georgia recently after what he called “a routine” stock trade. As the owner of the state, he has ordered Ossoff to cease and desist from any further campaigning.
To demonstrate his ability to run the country, Joe Biden got his pet German Shepard in a playful headlock, and in the ensuing ruckus, broke his foot. Consequently, Joe named the dog the next Secretary of Defense.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez–better known as O Say Can’t U C–took advantage of insider trading and bought up every Green New Deal on the market. As a result, she expects lots of leverage when the next Congress opens for business. She also looks maaavalous.
And finally, a new megastore is in the offing: Vaccine Depot. This is THE boutique one shop stop for all your vaccine needs, as President Trump put it. “It was my idea right from the start, even before the China virus attacked us with nuclear neglect. And no one thanked me for it, even though I alone, President Warped Speed, as a lot of people call me–including my wife–thought of it all by my swelf.”
Trump still claims he won the election and “is looking forward to the next four years” of his sanctified reign, all of which Breakable heard via a planted microphone in the Psych Ward at Walter Reed.

Well, I think that’s all the Hot Flashes we have for you today, and certainly all that you need to hear, dear readers (assuming there are any of you left).

And here’s your Surviving the Pandemic tip o the day: With all the shutdowns, quarantines, and shelterings in place, we know it can get lonely out there. We recommend volunteering where CDC guidelines allow. There are, for example, cats and dogs in shelters who need your love and attention. L’Chiam.

Breakable News Breaking News, Thursday, Oct. 22, Trump’s Twitter Password

October 22, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler Leave a Comment

Breakable News has learned our Dutch affliliate has been able to hack into Donald Trump’s twitter account by guessing his password, which—you’re not going to believe this—is maga2020 (true, that!). This also makes accessible the accounts of all of his 87 million followers. So we waltzed in to see what we could find.

Putin: There is the problem with Navalny, Donald, my friend. My agents were unsuccessful in fully taking care of the matter, and was wondering if you had the resources to…

Trump: Vlad, my brother, ask no further. Consider the problem taken care of. You know Quid Pro Quid, or whatever. I’ve got an agent who speaks fluent Yiddish—just joking, comrade. Navalny is toast. Gotta run. Got the rocket man coming in with a message. Kim, my friend, my love, what can I do for you?

Kim Jong Un: Comrade Donny, am needing some sanction relief to buy a couple more Jags. You good with dat?

Trump: Good? Are you kidding? Consider it done. Just don’t tell anyone, K? Whoops, gotta run. Message coming in. Starting to feel like a switchboard operator. That’s an American joke, Kimmy…or is it Jongy…or Unny. Ha Ha.

Proud Boy: Hey dude Pres. Listen , we need another endorsement since you kind of dis’ed us last week (we know, wink wink). You know, something subtle like “I am Proud to be an America, but Boy, it’s getting cold, better get my hat.” Like dat.

Trump: No problemo, Proudy. I’m on it. Check the news tonight. Jeez, gotta go, another message.

Breakable News reporter: Mr. President, so nice to reach you this morning. How are you?

Trump: Who the hell is this? How did you get into my account? It’s more secure than anything Obama or Hillary ever had.

Breakable: No problemo, sir. We just took a wild stab and there you were.

Trump: Shit, Barr told me everything was tight. That nobody could guess my password, which me myself and I don’t even remember. You haven’t read any of the past few messages, have you, Breaky?

Breakable: Oh no, sir. Mums the word. You can be sure of that, although we so suggest you might change that maga2020 password.

Trump: Why, you actually think anyone’s gonna guess that? You fake news people are nasty and stupid. Idiots! I’m banning you from this account.

And there it is, dear readers. An exclusive with our dear leader of the free world. But don’t any of you try to breach the account. You’ll get in but you might not get out.

***

In other news, Covid is now totally out of control in the U.S. with 215,000 deaths. The Trump Administration has no comment and Trump never mentioned it at his rally last night. Like the phrases “climate change” and “global warming” , Trump has also banned the words “pandemic”, Covid-19, and coronavirus from all government documents and has threatened agency heads with execution, Putin-style—we also learned from his Twitter account—if they utter them.

And here’s today’s feature: 10 Way(s) to Lighten Up during these challenging times (borrowed from the White House website—sorry, but all of our staff are down with Covid):

Don’t Worry: Be Happy! (repeat 10x)

Comparing Trump to the Nazis

July 3, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 1 Comment

Ideally, every generation would become a bit more wise and compassionate as time progresses. And this is true in certain instances. There are wonderful people in this country: bright, compassionate, involved, concerned, caring, and loving. But in many instances, this is not the case. And so we have people who still follow Nazi ideals, dictates, and actions. Unfortunately one of those people is the current president of the United States: Donald J. Trump. Let’s examine this more closely.

• Trump is a white supremacist. He has used his bully pulpit to open the door to white supremacist groups in this country and worldwide, paving the way for them to spread their hatred for Jews, Blacks, Moslems, Hispanics, and others.
• Trump, as a dysfunctional adolescent might, made fun of disabled people in public. On Twitter, he assigns immature nicknames and insults onto those who don’t fall into lockstep behind him.
• Americans who are physically or mentally disabled often depend on government health care such as Obamacare and Medicaid to survive. Trump wants to end both programs, denying such health care to the disabled and financially disadvantaged.
• Trump is obsessed with reversing every accomplishment that Barack Obama made during his time in office. From his false Birther allegations to his unfounded Obamagate accusations, Trump reveals his racist nature.
• Trump chronically blames others for the same transgressions that he is guilty of, obsessively denying any responsibility for his own behavior and their consequences. I needn’t delineate these since they occur daily in his puerile tweets and hyperbolic speeches. He is Scapegoater in Chief.
• Trump coddles pseudo-strongmen like Putin, Kim Jong Un, Erdegan, Bolsonaro, as he weakens NATO and the protections it offers to its members. He withdraws from vital treaties, particularly ones that Obama negotiated.
• Trump holds his political rallies in a time of a catastrophic pandemic, putting people in great danger and harm to satisfy his own needs and purposes.
• The Nazis depended on fear and fake news, as does Donald Trump. Just about everything out of Trump’s mouth is a lie, and most of the news coming out of his White House and his state media enabler, Fox News, is fake and false, meant to deceive and influence a gullible public. In Nazi Germany and their occupied nations, there was no free press, thus easily manipulating the public as a leader might his cult followers. All news was propaganda designed to keep the Nazis in power and the people in a state of fear and ignorance.
• Trump is well aware that Covid-19 is killing a greater percentage of Blacks than any other group, and is content with letting them die by denying them proper health coverage. Trump’s support of White Power and his Law and Order threats against peaceful Black Lives Matter protesters grossly portray his intensions against people who don’t think like him or who he perceives as blocking his reelection.
• Trump’s proposed wall on our Southern border with Mexico has become an albatross around his neck, a racist symbol he continues to feed to his minions of cult supporters.
• Countries like Russia and England attempted to appease Hitler in an attempt at a peaceful solution. Trump tries to appease villains like Putin and Kim Jong Un, giving them validity via flattery. In an act of possible treason, Trump knew of, and failed to act upon, Putin’s scheme of giving a bounty to the Taliban for every American soldier killed. What does Putin have on this man?
• By saying little to restrict and prosecute fascist white supremacist and nationalist groups, Trump (and his puppet William Barr) essentially give permission to these thugs, similar to Hitler’s sadistic Brown Shirts, to intimidate and do harm to minorities, particularly Blacks and Jews. Instead he attacks antifa, a small, decentralized left wing group which acts to oppose fascist groups when they march and demonstrate. Antifa may sometimes go too far, but they at least perform the important service of opposing these ultra right fascists, a responsibility Trump and Barr have abandoned.
Trump, impulsive and paranoid, has control of the codes that can trigger a nuclear war.

There’s more, of course (another Supreme Court choice, a lack of sane gun control). I could write a book. As the Nazis were stopped in WWII, Trump needs to be stopped. Our democracy is at stake. Our freedoms are at stake. Our Constitution and Bill of Rights are at stake. With Trump we are headed to an authoritarian government similar to the one described in George Orwell’s prophetic novel, 1984. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, please read it. It’s still very much in print, and even more relevant today than the day it was published.