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Stephen Altschuler

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Pompeo

2020 canceled! Breakable News Breaks it First…

December 26, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler 2 Comments

We tracked down President Trump in a bathroom at his Mar a Lago resort in Florida, after he returned from yet another critical golf outing where some 17 Secret Service golf carts dutifully followed him. Trump started our interview, with our Mar a Lago correspondent Izzy “Goodtimes” Smyth, by first lamenting that the fake news fashion mags declined to put his wife, a former model, on the cover of any of their “Democrat-run rags.” Our reporter, who has never won any awards, took it from there.

IS: So, Mr. President, how’s it going? (Ed. note: How about that start? Izzy is one our best!)

DJT: Great. Great. Never better. Sydney Powell, one of my most trusted advisors, gave me the best advice ever. She told me I have the power to cancel 2020, which is what I intend to do after I get another round in tomorrow, which is Saturday. I never miss golf on Saturdays.

IS: Whoa. You’re telling me you’re going to cancel the entire year as if it never happened. How in the world will you do that?

DJT: No problem. Rudy, Sydney, Pompeo, and my new AJ tell me to just keep saying it’s true over and over and, like magic, people will eventually believe it. It’s like herd immunity, except I call it herd lunacy. See, it’s genius. It’s really not much different than what I’ve done my whole life. And look where it’s gotten me!

IS: I see. So, like, none of 2020 ever happened, kind of, I mean, like…

DJT: Exactly, Izzy. You got it. Put it down in your paper just like that. My enemies will say, conspiracy theory. Well I’ll give them a conspiracy all right: one that says Covid, the election, the blown economy, unemployment, 325K dead, my lousy rounds of golf, masks, the fly on Pence’s head, social distancing, empty sports stadiums, even the slights to my hot wife never happened. I already got 74 million voters who will swallow that hook, line, and stinker.

IS: That’s sinker, Sir.

DJT: Listen, Izzard. Never correct me. Understand? Never correct the President of the United State.

IS: That’s States, Sir.

DJT: OK, that’s it. Outta here. I got lunch to get to, and I never miss lunch. I think it’s lobster and steak today, same as yesterday.

IS: But if the year is canceled, has our meeting ever really happened, Sir?

DJT: Ah… well. Check that with Rudy and Sydney and Sydney’s ace consultant Tore. They’re handling all the details. Don’t confuse me, Izzy. I like to stay focused, you know. They’ve prepared a revised calendar for me to sign as an Executive Order, and I’ve arranged for the Ball at Times Square to say 2020 when it drops. Like I said, genius. Don’t you agree?

IS: Well…I was just thinking…there might some problems…around… that approach… to the problems… the country…is feeling right now.

DJT: Don’t think, IM. Just do as I say. This’ll work. Just listen to those people outside cheering for me. Stop the Steal. Love it. Gotta run. Don’t worry. It’ll be like a miracle. Just like Groundhog Day. A do-over. Ha Ha. Genius.

Oh, Izzy, flush that toilet for me, would you. I’m very cautious about germs, you know.

 

So we’ll see you tomorrow, gentle readers. Or today, or yesterday, or whenever. When we figure it out, we’ll be sure to let you know. In the meantime, keep those donations pouring in, but just please leave off the date until we get this rather shocking new paradigm sorted out.

Filed Under: democracy, Donald Trump, Events, Human nature Tagged With: covid, Pompeo, Sydney Powell

Questions and Comments for Donald Trump

May 9, 2020 by Stephen Altschuler Leave a Comment

 

The following questions, concerns, observations, suspicions, and informed comments have been culled from recent news items from reliable sources such as The Washington Post, The New York Times, The New Yorker, NPR news, The Atlantic, and CNN among others. Some of the following are my own suspicions and conclusions. My hope is that a professional investigative reporting team will pick up on some of these and dig deeper.

 

  1. Everything about this botched invasion of Venezuela points to you, Pompeo, and possibly Barr. You had put up a $15-mil reward. You wanted Maduro’s ouster or capture for extradition. And now Pompeo will do anything to get these guys back. Yet another diversionary move to get attention away from virus pandemic and your botched handling of that. Had the raid been successful, you would have taken full credit, which would have helped your reelection. Now that it failed, you deny any responsibility as is your phony and fake news strategy.
  2. The killing of a black man in Georgia looks like a white nationalist action spurred on by your tacit support of these “good people” as you call them.
  3. You have blocked proper testing to keep the Covid-19 numbers low, which you believe will help your reelection. Same with opening up the economy. People will die but your base demands opening and you will feed red meat to that base. Only thing is you’re running out of red meat, literally and figuratively.
  4. You will not wear a mask in public because you do not want to be perceived as weak or unmanly. This has created more polarization. Wear a mask and you’re perceived as a Democrat and liberal (and even a communist!). Don’t wear a mask and you’re seen as pro Trump, for the economy, and fix the economy, forget the elderly proponents.
  5. You blame China to deflect your own blame for your lame response to the virus. This has led to violence and harassment against Chinese and other oriental Americans in our country. You have said little to dissuade this kind of despicable behavior perpetrated mainly by your cult followers. Your bobblehead sycophants in Congress have also said little to stop this violence out of fear you will denigrate them.
  6. You’ve had little consolation for the relatives and friends of those who have died from the virus. This reveals your true nature, namely a lack of compassion and empathy. To compare yourself to Lincoln was among your grossest distortions yet.
  7. You have stated publicly that you only want to send virus relief money to states that are run by Republican governors and legislatures and not send money to Blue states, that it’s unfair to Red states to help out Blue states. More red meat for your cult followers. This virus does not know of political, social, ethnic, economic, or racial differences. It attacks and kills without discrimination. Only you discriminate, as do your cult followers.
  8. You have no real concern for the people of this country as a whole, as a President should have. You are only concerned with your reelection and how it will affect your family and business interests.
  9. You used the National Defense Act to keep a meat plant open in Iowa, much to the chagrin of workers there who are not given proper protection against the virus by management, but would not use it to help produce PPE for vulnerable health workers. Why?
  10. Stimulus checks are mostly delayed for one particular group: elderly who are on Social Security. What have you got against this group? Is it that you think they wouldn’t vote for you anyway since you’re on record to wanting the elimination of Social Security? And how is it that dead people have been issued checks, as well as non-citizen foreigners who were here for school and are now back living overseas? In the meantime, many Americans have not received their checks or direct deposits despite being in great need to pay their bills.
  11. The stock market went up today some 400 points despite unemployment being the highest since the 1930s. Do you have cult followers within the market? Are you trying to manipulate the market? I suspect you are. Have your family members and other cronies engaged in insider trading to pad their pocketbooks. I suspect they have.
  12. You don’t like wearing a mask, personally, even though they help prevent others from getting the virus, and you are directing the CDC to rewrite their guidelines to remove the mask requirement when in public spaces like a food market. If masks help prevent the spread of the virus, why are you trying to do away with the requirement? Is it that, like your cult followers, you don’t like the government telling you what you can and can’t do? This appeals to your base, doesn’t it, and so helps you politically, as is the motive for most of your behavior as president. So it seems that keeping your base happy and loyal is more important than protecting the rest of us from this deadly virus.
  13. Your characterization of the mainstream news media as “the lamestream media” demonizes and negates one of the truly vital aspects of a free, democratic society: a free and vibrant press. It seems your intent is to destroy that free press, and replace it with a kind of right wing, extremist state media that only flatters and sucks up to you, such as found in present day China, North Korea, and, increasingly, Russia. I won’t even pose a question since I already know the answer.
  14. You have manipulated and repressed valid Covid-19 statistics in order to cover up their implications to your reelection efforts. Why have you done this? To advance your own sordid goals at the expense of those suffering from this pandemic and those on the front lines fighting it.

***

I truly wish to see you voted out of office, then prosecuted, and sentenced to years in prison. You have professed to Make America Great Again. Instead you have polarized its people, inspired its extremist elements, and ruined its standing and image in the world with your poisonous rhetoric and your adolescent Tweets. You are an incorrigible bully, sir, and are not worthy of the office you unfortunately hold.

 

 

Filed Under: Donald Trump Tagged With: Barr, CDC, China, covid-19, Maduro, masks, Pompeo, PPE, Social Security, Stimulus checks, Virus

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