Election news took some unexpected twists and turns so Breakable news enlisted our affiliate Breakaway News for today’s fake news report.
After last night’s Vice Presidential debate, a shocking 700,000 tweets and retweets (not fake news either) related to “The Fly. So we sent our investigative reporter Bob Cordwood to see what all the buzz was about. Bob caught up with The Fly at a Utah cafe.
BC: So Fly, how did you manage to get into the facility? I understand security was rather tight. Mind if I tape the interview?
Fly: No problemo. First off, my name is Sylvester, Sly the Fly, to my friends. But you wouldn’t have known that because , to you, all flies are like peas in a pod, right.
BC: So sorry, Sly. This is my first interview with an actual fly.
S the F: Now where were we before I so rudely interrupted myself? Oh right. I’m not sure how I got in. It was like a whale heading for Alaska and making a wrong right turn at San Francisco Bay. So I’m inside this building innocently looking for a way out, which flies are wont to do, when I spot this shock of white like a still layer of foam on a polluted lake, so I sets down my landing gear—betcha ya didn’t know we have special landing gear—and land.
BC: I see. What happened next?
S the F: Well, it was like strange. Nothing happened. I realized pretty quickly it was a head of hair—I have an extensive CV for landing on heads of hair—and almost 100 percent of the time, I get shooed away. This time, nada, no movement. I look down and see the guy’s lips moving but the head or a swiping hand, zilch, like he was a robot or something. Really odd. Never seen nothing like it before.
BC: No indication he even felt you there as anyone would? People are quite sensitive around flies landing on them.
S the F: Tell me about it. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been to the flyropracter—my flybamacare covers it—to get my wings adjusted after getting swiped. But this guy is like the Sphinx. Just a lot of blah, blah, blah from his mouth, but no standard swatting reflex.
BC: So what did you do, pull up a beach chair and chill for a bit?
S the F: Ha. Good one. But as a matter of fact, I did just rest a bit over two minutes, which breaks the World Fly non-Flying time record by almost a minute, by the way. Finally, not having my fly-phone with me, I got bored and took off. I coulda been there all night. Then after somehow finding my way around these plastic, I think you call them plexiglass screens, I found an open window and scrammed. Anyway, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.
BC: Many thanks for your time, Sly the Fly. Can I contact you for any follow-up questions?
S the F: Sure, but I might not get back for a day or so. Fall’s a busy time for our species. Lots of roadkill, donchaknow. Gotta go Bob. Like my favorite tune goes,
“I’ve laid around and played around this old town too long
Summer’s almost gone, yes winter’s coming on
I’ve laid around and played around this old town too long
And I feel like I gotta travel on.”
Great tune. Always buzzing in my ear. Hey, who was that bloke anyway?
BC: Pence, Vice President Mike Pence, White House D.C. At least for now.
S the F: I’ll remember that when I need another vacation. See ya. Take care, y’all.
Thanks to Bob Cordwood and Breakaway News for that most interesting report. This is a developing story as we’re sure to hear something nasty from the Veep’s boss, Donald J. Tweet (ha, ha).
As always we at Breakable News are committed to keep you misinformed with our certified fake news. And remember: We’re the only news source with nothing to gain and nothing to lose…not even a reputation.