The Trump Administration, spearheaded by Donald himself, set aside action on the pandemic, and a dangerously sinking economy to approve limiting restrictions on water pressure regulations on showerheads. Not long ago Trump railed that he didn’t have enough water pressure in the shower to fully wash his hair, which he wanted to “be perfect.” Well, Trump increased the pressure, all right, on his agency in charge of such things. In response to his victory, Trump reportedly tweeted, “FINALLY, TRICKLE DOWN SHOWER ECONOMICS ARE OVER. MY PERFECT HAIR WILL BE THE GREATEST OF ALL PAST PRESIDENTS!”
In other news, while Trump was showering as ordered:
- Covid deaths have now passed the 300,000 mark in the U.S.
- The unemployment rate is the highest since Labor Day.
- Trump and his enablers in Congress continue to label the election a fraud despite the supreme court decision against that accusation.
- Barr quits, or more likely, was fired.
- McConnell finally congratulates Biden for his victory.
- Trump slam-tweets Barr and McConnell for disloyalty.
- Canceling shower head restrictions will now probably extend to toilets as well. A focused Trump was heard to announce to a rapt nation, “People will now only have to flush once, instead of the 10 to 15 times they probably had to flush before.”
- In 33 days, Trump will be out of office, looking for a place to live since Palm Springs does not want him living at Mar a-Lago, his dilapidated Atlantic City Hotel will soon be torn down, and New York’s Attorney General is working hard to find Trump a private suite at the state prison.
- Breakable News has also heard that Trump is considering asylum offers from his buds Vlad Putin and/or Kimmie Un. This is a continuing and very breakable story…
That’s it, faithful BNers. Again, so sorry to disturb your time where you probably weren’t doing much anyway. Oh, and our consumer affairs correspondent advises to go easy on that time under an increasingly gushing shower. For human beings and other living things, water rules.