Breakable has been approached by Trump’s people with an offer to purchase the rag for 3 billion (“an offer you can’t refuse” as Trump added). They’re needing a forum after their expected coming defeat to continue feeding verifiably fake news to their adoring public, and they’ve looked at our numbers and financials and are duly impressed. Our Board of Mis-Directors is currently considering the offer and we will keep you informed as is our usual policy.
There are however some catches. They are requiring:
- the Trump brand appear in our logo, in that they require our name change to Trump News
- that Trump tweets be the main daily feature
- that Trump have final say before publication
- that reporters and correspondents be required, when on assignment, to stay at Trump hotels and resorts at their own expense
- That armed militia members be hired to stand sentry at office entrances
- that only whites (not including Jews or minorities who look white or LBGTQ, actually ‘Qs are fine as long as they are QAnon people since they like America and want it to be great again) be hired (women are OK providing they meet Mr. Trump’s minimum basic standards and measurements).
- That no pets be permitted on premises. Too many germs.
- that no pandemic related masks or any social distancing be permitted either on the premises or outside or wherever.
- That there be no testing for coronavirus since, given his recovery, the pandemic is now officially over, and must be referred to in that manner from henceforth and hitherto throughout his God-given realm.
That’s it for now. We apologize to those readers who have become enamored of The News and can hardly sleep without reading every word and paragraph. On the other hand, most of our readers had already stopped reading as our comments, numbering just about zero, have shown.
So we’ll be breakabling (get it?) until our BOMD makes its decision. As editor, I can’t say I’m disappointed: I’ve got other fish to fry.
Just one last award-losing recipe of the day: Fried Fish
Ingredients: a piece of fish to fry (or pieces depending on how many mouths to feed)
salt and pepper (for those who’ve lost their taste buds due to Covid or with heart failure, fegetaboutit)
Instructions: Heat fry pan on high and add butter. When sizzling, add fish. Salt and pepper. Fry until all harmful bacteria are presumably dead. Serve. Eat.