Breakable News Flash/Monday, Oct. 5/All the news unfit to print
Breaking tradition of only printing fake news, breakable news has a story today that appears fake but is true, mostly. We apologize for the digression and we hope our four, maybe three, readers will stay with us out of loyalty to our brand. If we lost all of you, basic math would tell us we’d have no readers and thus lose our identity as the world’s sort of only true and complete fake news source. So stick with us , dear ones.
Our white noise correspondent reports that yesterday president trump escaped from his hospital room to ride in a limo, masked and somehow lifting his arm to wave at trump flag waving supporters lining the street, in the words of one, “to tell the president we love him.” Asked what he did for a living, the supporter said, “this, this is what I do. Otherwise I’d have nothing to do,” he said returning to yelling and screaming at the president, who looked quite pale wearing somewhat rumpled clothing that looked suspiciously like the ones he wore a couple days before when he entered hospital. His hair though was impeccably quaffed, indicating that he may well have brought his full time stylist with him. Trump also waved to his doctors giving a press briefing at the same time, who seemed quite aghast seeing their patient, who they had given oxygen, steroids, and perhaps disinfectant of some sort-that from a White House source-and who just hours before “was not out of the woods yet.” The doctors’ collective jaws were well dropped as trump’s car cruised past filled with captive secret service guys, also masked, who later said, “ Your damn right we’re pissed. We’ve got to quarantine now because of this jokers joyride?”
Later, back in his room, back on oxygen, DJT tweeted, “FEEL GREAT. Loved the love fest. Sorry about the mask. Virus? What virus? I am the strongest president in American history and can actually leap tall buildings in a single bound. Nasty SS guys complained the whole way. Bad Boys, these proud boys. Ha Ha. Ok, back to the intravenous bs. Where’s my doc. I’m so tired. Anyway, I’m so outta here.”
And now our Breakable news recipe for the day: chicken’s chicken.
Ingredients: one whole chicken
Directions: put plucked bird into large pot. Fill to brim with water (tap). High heat for a long time. Remove bird from pot. Serve.
Tomorrow’s recipe: eggs’ eggs
And stay tuned for a Monday special: A retired guy’s guide to fashion.