Continuing my unrequited letter writing campaign to Donald Trump (caution: my language here can get a bit coarse at times):
Hello Donald (or, if I might, in your own vein, call you Dunkin Donut Don, mocking your ample girth), I hear you’re hunkering down in the White House basement/bunker, feeling safe as a bug in a rug, comfy as a rat in a dumpster, and frisky as one of your cult members who hasn’t been laid in a month of Sundays. I know, it’s tough being el presidente’, or as your followers call you, Our Dear Leader, after your bud in North Korea. All those pesky decisions, meetings, keeping your hair in order and well-sprayed, making sure enough donuts have been ordered for the day, along with all the whoppers, Big Macs, fries, and shakes that need to be sorted and delivered…on time. I know how you’ve loved those fries ever since you were a kid, assuming you ever were a kid.
Anywhomwhatsoever, as if you didn’t have enough on your plate (no, not your actual plate, big guy), now these riots over the death of an unarmed black man—good guy, I hear—by one of your other “good people” on the other side—the cop who pinned George Floyd down with his knee until he was dead. Right. I’m thinking—I don’t have direct evidence— but I’m really pretty sure the cop was one of your white supremacist buddies who sees red when he sees black. You’ve given these assholes safe haven during your time in office, and, from what I hear from the “lame stream” press as you so vilify the mainstream, legitimate media, have done so for years. Blacks couldn’t help but assume your “birther” obsession with proving Barack Obama was not born in America was racist to the core. Of course that was right in line with you and your father denying decent housing to black folk back in the 60s and 70s in NYC.
BTW, sorry for all the BTWs but there’s so much going on right now as a result of your incompetence and lack of leadership that it seems appropriate. Have you considered taking a knee along with the protesters and even some cops? Even if you didn’t believe it, it would be a great photo op, and I know how much you like those photo ops, even when published by what you call fake news sources. You can still mobilize the army to “dominate” the “thugs” after officers lift you up from the kneeing n’all.
Oh, and BTW, can I get you anything while you’re down in your bunker? I haven’t seen you for awhile and was beginning to worry, me being raised by a Jewish mother and grandmother, n’all. Just read a couple of tweets by you. These tweets are so cute. You like to project an image of macho and power and authority, but a tweet is a sound a little bird makes as it innocently and harmlessly lives its life in the trees and bushes. I love the tweets of birds. It’s so adorable you’ve reverted to making announcements behind the curtain of social media that uses its logo of meek sounding little bird tweets. Reminds me some of the Wizard of Oz, making like a big shot behind the curtain and fooling people. He wasn’t a big shot, after all, was he? Your tweets also let you call people names without doing so face to face like a man. But, no offense, you’re not a real man, are you? You are unable to acknowledge or express feelings for people, and real men are quite skilled in that regard. As a retired counselor and social worker specializing in helping people with mental illness, I’ve worked with people like you for years. Only difference is that I liked most of those folks. They acknowledged their disabilities, and were often honest, straightforward, humble, and real.
Anywhoever, if you need anything down there, just call. I’ll see if the protesters out front of the White House will let me through. I’ll call first so you can call off the vicious dogs and put away the machine guns and let the secret service know I’ll be coming. But no worries, anything you need that your lackies won’t or can’t get you, I’ll be happy to fly out and deliver (as long as I can find an open Dunkin Donuts in D.C.)
Now, what else? Oh shit (pardon my French; no, I don’t mean pardon the French). I forgot about the coronavirus pandemic, as you must have also. Yep. it’s still with us. I just hope you and Melania and Baron and others in your clan are being extra careful in that basement bunker. This virus loves dark, confined spaces filled especially with virus deniers, sycophants, and bobbleheads who don’t like the image that masks convey or this social distancing that you don’t seem to pay much attention to. You continually send out tweets that we should reopen the country to commerce and religious services (btw, nice touch carrying that Bible when you visited the burned out church. You do have a way with photo ops, and holding up the Bible in front of the church? Damn, you can politicize just about anything, can’t you) regardless of how that might affect people’s health and wellbeing. Excuse my (NASTY) impudence, Mr. Wizar—er President—but the thought occurs to me that your only motive is the coming election and your narcissistic needs to be reelected. Pardon (no, I’m not asking for a pardon) my impertinence, but that seems to be the basis for everything that tweets from your smart(ass)phone.
And, again, BTW (that means “by the way”, by the way), I do take umbrage, as a Democrat myself, over your vile and continual slights and invectives at Democrats, especially that tweet you retweeted that started with “The only good Democrat is a dead Democrat.” I had to scrape off my Vote Dem bumper sticker after that one, fearing for my life). Let’s imagine there were no Democrats, as you seem to wish. That is, the law would prohibit Democratism. What’s that? You like the way that sounds. In fact it gives you an idea for another Executive Order. Oh shit, I’m sorry I brought this up. OK. OK. Let’s move on to another topic, Your Fries-ness.
Let’s see. How about conspiracy theories? You know, for a POTUS, these theories, based on fear and innuendo, are pretty wacko. That’s a term you’ve used for Dem politicians, so I know you know what I’m talking about. You’re an educated man—University of Pennsylvania, I understand, which is a good school since my great-nephew goes there, and my nephew before him, so I’m surprised you don’t rely on good hard science more often, but I, on the other hand, do realize that your base doesn’t buy all that expert science “mumbo jumbo”, and your top priority is to feed your base all that red meat they crave and stand up on their hind legs for. But you also have quite a few well educated white women in the burbs who are still thinking of voting for you who don’t much care for pappy’s cure for coronavirus. “Just step right up , folks. Don’t be shy. Uncle Donno’s got the cure for all ills in this little ole bottle here. Just two bits for a month’s supply and the little ole virusino is toast. What have you got to lose? Try it. Here, watch me guzzle it down. Just like milk to a baby. Y’all come a little closer…” People are starting to call you the Wacko in Chief. So I’d ditch the conspiracies and home remedies. Forget about Obamagate and Biden’s son and Lysol and all the other crap you pick up from Fox. Talk about fake news. It doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?
Anywho, I know there was something else I wanted to bring up. Oh right. Have you thought about my suggestion to resign? It’s still perfect timing, President Wacko (oh fuck, there I go again) , I mean President Dunkin Donald. But I heard a rumor—like you always say, “A lot of people are saying,” which usually means just you are saying—that Joe is considering choosing a highly competent black women to be his Veep choice. Makes a lot of sense with all the racism you’ve been promoting through the years. And come 2024, that woman will be in good position to run for President. And there it is: our first female, black President. If Joe can’t lock you up after he wins in 2020, then Ms. President surely will in 2024. And figuring the probable landslide for the Dems in 2020, that’ll be the presidency, Senate, and House in Democratic hands, and maybe a swing in the Supreme Court if Clarence “Coke Can” Thomas retires. What’s that you’re saying? You’ve got to go vomit. Sure. Sure. Take your time.
Well listen, Donut Don, I’ve probably taken up too much of your time. Go clean yourself up before you go on camera. And keep hammering away at those left wing radicals that are causing all this turmoil. But some people are saying white racist supremacists are in the crowds as well.
Now I know you love to blame others but my theory is that you are the real cause of all this rioting and destruction and chaos. You see, when radicals of any sort hear a POTUS give a green light to hatred and violence and racism, they consider that validation of their fucked up ideas, and permission to go ahead and tear down anything in sight. They then depend on you to label the protesters as Thugs, as you’ve done, so you can politicize the whole deal to your advantage. Well, it’s not working for you this time, Donny boy. Sleepy Joe, as you vilify this great long-standing and hard-working public servant via your little-man tweets, is wide awake and coming for your job.
Again, wishing for your speedy resignation, conviction, and incarceration, and…
Passionately against you and what you stand for,
a citizen of this country that was much greater before you took office
RIP George Floyd, 46 years old, murdered in Minneapolis by a contingent of police officers, May 25, 2020.